Sleepless Eyes
by Cardel
Summary: Tsuzuki's and Hisoka's thoughts for one another. First person point of view. Kind of sad, but sweet. Bittersweet I guess. Hope someone likes it R&R please.
1. Tsuzuki's POV

Disclaimer: /Sigh/ Not mine, damn it.

A/N: This is just my take on what I think these two are thinking regarding one another.

Tsuzuki's point of view.

I don't need it, not really. I don't need sleep it's not like it'll kill me. Though I did use to sleep, even though I no longer need it. I did however enjoy it, it felt nice, refreshing when I did sleep. When I was able to close my eyes and see absolutely nothing but an endless black void. A calming blackness like there is no where else, but in dreamless sleep. 

Yes it was nice to be able to sleep. You change that, the moment I looked into your eyes. The moment when I saw you holding me at gun point. I was surprised, not that you would actually pull the trigger, it wouldn't have had much effect. I was surprised however by your age. I stared at you wondering what could have possibly driven a kid yes I'll used the word you loath to be referred as because that's what you seemed to me then. I wonder what kind of circumstances had driven a kid to be able to hold someone at gun point, immortal or otherwise, with out the smallest hesitation without any trace of doubt or fear.

No you stood there steadily pointing that gun at me. And as I looked into your eyes I was lost I knew I would never be the same again. After you became my partner I thought things would be different. I thought I could change what I saw. Heh life's a bitch it didn't work. 

Your eyes are in short haunting. You might be able to feel every emotion coming from me, and even though I can't feel yours I see them in your eyes. I see all the suffering that you've been through, all the pain, the confusion, the rejection, the loneliness. All hitting so close to home. So many hurtful emotion, no one should ever experience. I made a silent vow to take them all away. 

I wanted to take them all away and replace them with happy ones, but you wouldn't let me. I know you're scared and I will not give up. Or Perhaps I already have. I can't sleep anymore because every time I close my eyes I see you staring back at me with those haunting eyes those green pools of emotion. I rather lie awake forever than close my eyes and see all the suffering I'm afraid will never leave your eyes. 

I'd rather lie here, among the crumpled sheets like the crumpled hope I still have for you. I lie in my mock state of sleep and wonder if perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy that restful feeling when I'll close my eyes and see yours staring back at me with a smile. I don't know if that'll ever happen so I can only hope and keep trying. Keep trying until one day you let me in, let me help you. For now I'll say goodnight or good morning which ever doesn't matter anymore. Tomorrow is another day, another chance for change. It will change I promise Hisoka.

Cardel: This is my first YnM piece and I like it. Hisoka's eyes are so I don't know.

Jin: When do you ever know.

Cardel: Shut up! Any way the next entry is Hisoka's point of view hope someone likes it. 


	2. Hisoka's POV

Hisoka's point of view

Why do you care so much? Why? I don't understand, and it angers me that you care. Can't you see I'm afraid? I'm afraid to look at you to look into your eyes. It's so difficult to stare into your eyes and not fall, fall slowly into your amethyst orbs. That's one of the reason I can't stand to look at you.

I'm afraid, afraid of what I see in you eyes. Your eyes which hold so many promises, so much hope, so much understanding, for me. And I'm afraid, to believe that its real. That everything your eyes hold is real. And if I let my self believe and it's not real, it frightens me to think of all the pain. Can't you see that? I want to trust you I want to believe all the silent promises your eyes hold. I can't.

It hurts to not able to trust you. I want to trust you, your the only one who seems to understand me to actually want to be around me. Why? I'm not sure. All I know is that you'll always be there or perhaps I only wish that you will always be here. And it hurts to think that maybe one day you won't be.

Sometimes when you give me that smile of yours, the one when you tilt your head to the side and close your eyes I feel something, warm. Than you open your eyes again and all I want to do is turn away and run, from you, from the pain in your eyes, from the emotions bombarding me. Sometimes I wish I could just reach out and close your eyes and shut out all the pain I know you feel too. Sometimes I wish I could just drown you in my screams, but I can't and I won't. Because as much as it hurts looking into your eyes, I know I would be lost without you.

We are the same you and I. We have both been hurt very badly over and over. What makes you think we could possibly help each other? But that's who you are the forever optimist. Perhaps, perhaps we _can_ help each other. Perhaps one day I will be able to look into your eyes and believe, believe every single promise they hold. For now I'm still afraid to do so, they might not be real. Than again it is you and I ...I _do_ trust you. 

So maybe not today, but perhaps tomorrow I'll be able to believe and perhaps we'll heal each other one day. One day we'll be alright, it will be alright? Right ? One day we won't feel all this pain, only happiness. If not I would settle for eternal numbness, but it that means not being able to feel you emotions, than I rather feel pain. I'm afraid, but you are my life line, and all I can do hold on to you and trust you won't let go. Deep inside my hearts I know you won't and that's comforting. Thank you, Tsuzuki. 

Cardel: Ahh I don't know what I was thinking.

Jin: I know you were feeling angsty. I love angst

Cardel: Well you kindda have to, to be an angst muse, but anyway I hope you guys like that, let me know what you think drop me a review.

Jin: Or flame they don't bother us. 


End file.
